The Body Keeps Score.

Our body is designed to be interconnected. I have learned over the years however, that you can lose complete awareness of your own body.

On my own healing journey I did many recall exercises to pinpoint distinct instances of trauma where I took myself out of my body in order to protect my spirit: assault, bullying, rejection, deaths and pivotal relationships ending. If one does this enough you can completely lose all sensation of your body. You instead begin to operate only how others tell you to; you feel— but on a very surface level.

One additional point about this phenomenon is that even if you, in your conscious state don’t keep score of the trauma you experience… your body surely does. It’s a great host for it.

The tea is hot…

I would be lying if I told you that my outer world doesn’t impact my inner world. You, however, would not find many who are aware of this also. We live in a day where people put on such a nonchalant, emotionless veneer. I really can’t blame anyone for doing this because the world is pretty fucking cruel. If we add unresolved childhood trauma to this equation you might be dealing with someone who truly cannot at that moment connect the inner with the outer. (My ADHD is about to come out but I swear I will connect it all quickly)

So… about 7 months ago I completely stopped gossiping— not even with my mom… do y’all know how hard this was!???? When I made that decision, almost immediately my surroundings changed. Life circumstances eliminated people from my life that gossiped regularly and the people who genuinely wanted to be around me stopped altogether or at least when they were around me. Something like gossiping as a woman is so common place but the reality is… it lowers your vibration dramatically. Furthermore, your body keeps score.

After 20 some odd years (or what ever the old folks say) of hearing about other people’s business, I finally woke up one day, saw another suicide online and decided that I did not give one single fuck about what another person is not perfect at— AND, If you’re not going help them idc who you are, you can shut the hell up when you’re talking to me. Life’s hard, you aren’t them. You will only and ever understand their life in part.

True story.

I’m going to tell you this real account of my body keeping score and then “Imma get out ya way” -Ebony Jenkins #iykyk

I’ve been out of the gossip scene for so long now that my body doesn’t even know how to be a host for it. The other day I had to sit in the presence of low vibrational gossipers and to be honest with you if it were not for therapy I would have exploded— combusted Bihhh! I was sooooooo uncomfortable. I wasn’t consciously keeping score because I temporarily left my body so that I could protect my own psyche. However my body did in fact keep score.

The next morning in my 6 AM hot yoga class I could barely do 10 of the 26 positions. And I’m not trying to brag or nothinnnn buuuuuttt… I EAT Bikram 26/2! On a normal day without the residue of gossip and low vibes I could do all 26/2 movements no problem… but this day my body kept score.

Remember friend, that your body keeps score and the best way to make the score even is by adjusting your daily habits: like eliminating drama and gossip or finding times to move your body daily, committing 1-5 hour a week to a peaceful activity. Whatever you do, please I’m begging you… pay attention to your body!

Peace and Love. ❤️👽🧘🏾‍♀️✨🌊🌱